"Blimey, what on earth are you lugging in that pack? It's decked out like a Christmas tree."
"Dunno, the usual. I just took everything that might come in handy up there."
"You fool, you're going to suffer."
14 days with a pack on your back. Freedom for some, purgatory for others. It all depends on how lean you can pack, how much useless junk you haul along and which clever little tricks you don't forget. And they're mostly tiny things – trifles – that in the end spare your shoulders more bruising than necessary and your mouth words you won't find in any dictionary.
Good night and sweet dreams! Comfort is a lovely thing, but this particular item is so easy to replace. Take your down jacket and stuff it into the empty compression sack of your sleeping bag. Voilà! A soft, fluffy pillow fit for a sleep clinic. You can fill the sack with other clothes too, but a puffy down jacket is the best.
Not a scrap of free space in your pack should go to waste. You're not going to carry air around the mountains, are you? Socks, boxers, gloves and other small bits of clothing perfectly fill every gap and crevice. Stuff them into your boots, your cookware and even the space between your crampons. And while we're on cookware – do you need a full set of pots, or will one do?
Clever compressing saves you a few litres of volume too. Cram your sleeping bag and down jacket tightly into compression sacks. Instead of folding T-shirts and fleeces, roll them up and secure them with a hair tie. And to keep your pack tidy, use handy Packing Cubes in different sizes.
Air again. Prick the bags of instant meals with a needle, squeeze out the excess air and tape over the hole so they don't puff up again. Now you can pack one more carbonara.
Backpacks aren't waterproof, after all. And a rain cover? It never protects what's inside 100%. In long, heavy rain, water runs down your back and seeps in. Clothes, sleeping bag, documents, money, electronics and anything you don't want wet – wrap it in plastic bags. They work a treat against moisture. And you can leave the rain cover at home. A good few grams saved.
In the mountains, cleanliness becomes a relative concept. Shower gel and shampoo? A six-degree mountain stream hardly invites a long splash about anyway. More like a quick dip and run. Besides, washing chemicals like that into it isn't exactly eco-friendly. You can get by perfectly well in the mountains without soap (and even in everyday life). Take a nearly finished tube of toothpaste – no need to carry a full one. Buy sunscreen in a small size. And ladies can swap tampons for a menstrual cup – nature will thank you.
Two are enough, right? While you're wearing one, you can wash the other in a river and dry it on your pack as you walk. Same with socks. Plus, merino wool doesn't smell even after several days of wear, and with Bridgedale socks it stays nice and soft too. More important than a clean T-shirt every day is getting your layers right for every kind of weather – from zero to thirty-five degrees. With a light fleece, a softshell, a down jacket and a waterproof jacket you'll always find a solution. And waterproof trousers? Unnecessary for the hardier among us – your legs can take anything.
Do you know the Packing Cube from Lowe Alpine? With three sizes of mesh organisers, your pack or bag will stay neat and tidy.
Or better, a few. For rubbish, of course. And there'll be more and more of it.
One last tweak before heading up. Pull the side compression straps tight so the gear inside doesn't shift around. And once you swing the pack onto your back, don't forget to pull the load lifters on the shoulder straps. That sets your centre of gravity right and you'll tackle obstacles as if you were born with a pack on.
See you in the mountains!
